Singular Empathy: The Most Authentic Form of Empathy
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand the internal experience of others. An empathetic person has strong insights into how the people around them are thinking and feeling. They can sense the state of being of others, are able to show compassion towards them and react accordingly.
The skill of empathy is being able to perceive emotion while being able to understand what it means, where it comes from and how you can help.
Having a heightened sensitivity towards the emotions of others is an invaluable tool in relationship building. You are capable of understanding what people need, can form deeper bonds and display the qualities of a trustful and caring person.
This can bring a refreshing and enriching experience to your relationships, adding significant value to your personal and professional life. A more empathic workforce and society would result in less bias and discrimination while reducing inequalities.
Why is empathy important?
Makes us more compassionate
Improves morals
Increases kindness
Source of motivation: empathy towards your clients or audience
Increases respect between team members
The downfall & dark side of empathy:
The importance and value of empathy in all aspects of life are clear. It does, however, come with pitfalls. Becoming overly concerned with the emotions of others can become consuming and draining. While it is important to care for the needs of others it is also necessary not to become lost in their pain.
Empathy can also be used as a form of manipulation. A highly empathetic person can use their skills to get what they want and control the actions of others. For example, advertisers understand the desires of consumers and employ messaging that plays on their vulnerabilities and politicians understand the grievances and turmoils of voters to sway their opinions.
What is singular empathy?
The concept of ‘singular empathy’ was introduced by Marshall Goldsmith in his book, The Earned Life. Singular empathy asks us to display empathy to the best of our abilities only when it can make the greatest possible difference, in the present moment.
The concept focuses our attention on the single person or situation before us. It highlights how each opportunity to display empathy is unique and will demand something different from us.
Empathy is not immune to bias. It is often easier to show empathy toward those who “look like us, who are attractive and who are non-threatening”. We can also become burdened by empathy and allow the emotions of others to spill into our own lives. Singular empathy insists on a certain discipline and meaning to form around our empathy.
The benefits of singular empathy:
Concentrates our attention on a single moment
Cannot be inauthentic
Will not drain or deplete you
Forces you to be the best person you can be in the present moment
Creates a habit of giving your all
Reminds us to be present
Allow us to leave behind the emotions of others
Shields us from the dark side of empathy
The best of empathy:
Goldsmith highlights the different types of empathy, claiming that singular empathy allows us to embody them all while remaining true to ourselves and present in the moment:
The empathy of understanding:
Understanding how and why other people think and feel the way they do. You can understand people's motivations and predict how people will react. For example, salespeople sense their customer’s needs and improve their pitch to satisfy them.
The empathy of feeling:
Experiencing the same emotional state as those around us. We witness someone in distress and we replicate their state within ourselves. For example, sports fans feel the same joy as players when they are victorious.
The empathy of caring:
Being concerned for the person's reaction to an event, not the event itself. You are happy or sad if the person you care about is happy or sad not because a situation is good or bad. For example, a parent is upset if their child is struggling at school.
The empathy of doing:
Taking action beyond understanding, feeling and caring. Your empathy leads you to do something meaningful to make a difference for others. For example, organizing a fundraising event for people in need.
The modern workplace and wider society are gradually healing from an ‘empathy deficit’. With heightened awareness for others, we must also protect ourselves and remain aware of the toxic side of empathy. Singular empathy encompasses the kind of empathy that benefits everyone involved. Goldsmith promises that practicing singular empathy will bring out the best in you and allow you to serve those around you in an empowering way.