The Trouble with 'Good Enough'
If there has been one phrase that has exploded into the self-esteem conversation it is “you are good enough”. It is a beautiful sentiment that tackles the impossible standards we hold ourselves to. In believing we are good enough, we can release ourselves from the never-ending (and soul-crushing) mission of perfection.
In his book, ‘Triggers’ Marshall Goldsmith tackles the question of ‘when is it ok to settle for good enough and when should we demand our very best?’
Perfect effort
Marshal advises that “there are no absolutes in adult behavioral change. We never achive perfect patience or generosity or empathy or humility…The best we can hope for is a consistency in our effort”. While we cannot expect perfect performance we can aim for perfect effort. Instead of aiming for perfection in our results, we should aim for persistence in our striving.
Perfect word
Marshall warns of allowing a ‘good enough’ attitude to spill into your interpersonal relationships. Marshall states that when we compromise our standards on the “things we say and do” then we risk losing our integrity and disappointing our loved ones.
‘Good enough’ is setting the bar too low when we are dealing with:
How a husband treats his wife
How a son deals with an aging parent
How a friend responds to people who count on him
When it comes to your word, satisfying is not an option. “It neither satisfies nor suffices”. If you constantly settle for a standard that is just good enough within your relationships, you will watch them unravel in time. “Better than nothing is not even close to good enough - and good enough after you make a promise, is never good enough”.
Environments that trigger ‘good enough’ behavior:
Be aware of the following environments that may cause you to settle for good enough, lowering your standards and eventually, harming your relationships:
When our motivation is marginal
When our motivation for a task is dulled or compromised and we’re vulnerable to mediocrity.
“Skill is the beating heart for high motivation”, meaning the more skill we have for a task the easier it is to get it done. Good performance means good feedback, and we enjoy a positive feedback loop. The converse is also true, poor skill almost guarantees marginal motivation. If we believe ourselves to be ‘bad’ at a task we are less likely to want to do it. Our motivation can also turn marginal when we see the first sign of progress. We think we have solved the problem and we take our foot off the gas pedal. Marshall likes to remind his coaching clients that “their glimpse of the finish line is a mirage”.
2. When you're working pro bono
We often compromise our integrity when we are doing someone a favor or doing something for free. Marshall warns against creating casual equivilances between volunteering and your level of commitment. Be wary of allowing yourself to opt out just because you are helping out. Our noble intentions degrade into a standard of good enough and our integrity is comprised. “If you think doing folks a favor justifies doing less than your best, you're not doing anyone any favors, including yourself”. Marshall highlights how integrity is an all-or-nothing virtue. There is no such thing as being half pregnant and there is no such thing as having semi-integrity. “People forget your promise but remember your performance”.
3. When we behave like amateurs
In our home environments, we’d behave in ways we would never tolerate in our work environments. At home, we are free to be whoever we want and we don’t always set standards high enough. We demand ourselves to act as professionals at work while we allow ourselves to behave like amateurs at home. Professionals shoot for the highest standards while amateurs settle for good enough. The amateur versus professional trap is not just present between the home and work environments. We are at risk of showing up as an amateur while on the job too. We designate ourselves as amateurs when we don't resonate or identify with a particular area of our professional lives. We separate the parts that we are good at from the parts that we are not. We allow ourselves to be an amateur at what we are not good at and settle for good enough.
4. When we have compliance issues
We often face resistance when we are told what to do. We either believe we have a better way of doing things or were unwilling to commit fully when it is someone else’s way of doing things. This is often true even when it is for our own good or we know our failure to comply will hurt someone. Our failure to comply is a statement of “the rules don’t apply to us”. We set the bar at good enough a refuse to offer anymore.
We have all witnessed people who refuse to accept good enough, a bride preparing for her wedding day or an athlete preparing for the Olympic games. “It is inspiring to see people spurning the seductive pill of good enough”. We admire and respect it but we don’t always demand the same from ourselves. When it comes to your relationship with yourself, believing you are good enough as you are is a no-brainer. When it comes to your commitments to others, offering a ‘good enough’ version of yourself is never good enough.